actually, after a long, long week. SERIOUSLY. I'm trying to think this through...ive gone to bed before 10:30pm every night, and now, here I am tired as can be and its only 9:17, what the frickkk is going on??? ive been getting plenty of sleep! why am i so tired?
and so, today i brought this question up to my peers, as well as my family members.
I guess well one reason is the time change? but ive made it through time change before just fine so i didnt see the biggie in that one. my friend brought up today that it may just be that im getting too much sleep. you know when you sleep all day and you want to gain back that energy, but your still too tired because youve been sleeping all day? well i guess i just have been getting my more than average amount of sleep at night! so thats a factor. also, ive been starting some training. so ive been lifting everyday, a different area each visit to the gym of course. ummm ive been doing a lot of workouts for running, lots of conditioning to get back into shape. Ive just had an emotional week on that part. I'll explain more of that later.
But i guess those are the factors explaining why im so tired. I just gotta stay healthy and everything. im really upbeat throughout the day, its just when the clock starts to hit around 8 or 9...is when i can really feel myself to really crash. and even if it was the old time again, that is still pretty early for me to start getting tired at! so i just gotta get used to all the strenuous activity i have been doing. ya know?
so my training. obviously ive gotta get into it slowly, because im coming off of an injury that has refused to go away until now. and i can still kinda feel the pain, but i dont let it bother me too much.
ive been doing so much running and weights. working on a lot of...conditioning i lost while i was in my serious pain.....
And this is the first week where i felt like i was able to actually get out and do something. and now that im able to, its taken an emotional tole on me. i dont know, i can feel my mood shift and im a lot happier now, i feel like im going somewhere with life instead of going through the motions. i wake up saying, im gonna do this today and im gonna do it well! like, not with just running, but with a lot of stuff....so it has been pretty crazy. all that emotion is catching up to me now that the week is winding down, and i just feel good. a girl has a lot to be grateful for, and i thank God every night for all He has blessed me with. its been a long long recovery, and im finally feeling like i can go somewhere, reach those dreams.
well ive had a lot of time on my hands now that ive gotten ahead in my school..i mean i come home early, finish all the hw ive been assigned, and then just chill out and relax, of course, after i workout, but honestly....i have so much time! im not one to just sit around and do nothing....once i do its just...im out.
i need something to fill my time...so now that i do have time, im gonna start some projects! so this will be a lot of fun:) we'll see where this all goes:)
soooo....okay. its been 5 days since ive seen my boyfriend.
yeah.. i hate that.
okay okay before all of you go all "your 18, get over yourself" or "my distance is longer than yours" or maybe even "stop talking about this boy all the time".....hear me out.
first of all....this blog is for me to get out the feeling and emotion i have inside of me because sometimes i dont have anywhere else to turn to and talk to. and i love looking back on this blog. its like a little journal entry. of course i do a journal and a blog, because my journal is more personal. this blog is pretty personal to begin with, i know, but its public personal. if that makes any sense....
anyways....
its been 5 days. and weve gone longer, much longer, of course. it just...its gettting old. not the relationship, not the boy, not the feeling. no, all of that stays fresh, new, something amazing every day:)
the distance.
in my eyes. whether your states apart or half hour apart. distance is distance.
while all the happy couples at my school see each other every day. im stuck only seeing my baby on weekends. if im lucky.
yes, we make a HUGE effort to see each other. huge.
and ususally it works out, but sometimes we are honestly searching for ways just to see each other for an hour or two. his days are so full, and mine are either busy or free...that even finding time to talk is so hard. but have we gone through this before? yeah...we did a whole school year of this. and even when we broke up, it still didnt feel right, the slightest.
and now we are back together, because we know its worth it. i know it is.
but sometimes, the amount i miss him is too overwhelming for me to handle. and i try to find some way to distract myself. distractions are what help out. thats why i keep myself busy and productive. so im not sitting around jus thinking; thinking about how much i miss his smile, miss the freckles that run across his nose, miss the way he laughs when im laughing, or how he kisses my forehead and nose, even things as simple as brushing the hair out of my face, whispering that he loves me, or sitting next to each other brainstorming things to do when my tank of gas in on empty and taking his moms car is a risky thing.
he makes me smile. not a smile that is just expressing happiness, a smile that is a reason of why life is so beautiful, why we have that classic love story, why we all want that pebble thrown at our bedroom window, that last kiss before going home after curfew because its worth it, that love note you read over and over again till its engraved in your mind, that declaration of love when you are beginning to doubt, that simple sweetheart that isnt your true love, but your best friend.
who doesnt want that?
and do i think that i might have found it.
hell yeah i think i have.
only time will tell.
but until then, im livin my life each day, and chasing after a dream that requires me standing on top of a podium holding a first place medal, signing away to a college, throwing my cap into the air, packing up my belongings and unloading them into the dorm, pursing my dream career, writing for what i believe in, and being with the man of my dreams.
all of this will all come. if i keep up everything im doing plus more. i'll get it.
nighty night everyone:)
it never did, and never will
and im so so grateful:)
with everything in my life
what your truly passionate for will never die off
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