this sucks

im really angry and im really  mad. im really pissed, im just about every frustrated word in the book.

Parents: the people that will be there with you through the best of times and the worst of times. and sometimes, these people can get on my every last nerve. parents can lighten the mood, or make everything about your mood be anything but happy.
yes everyone i now.....maybe im exaggerating..but in my head, im not even close to exaggerating.
strict as they come. thats my parents. maybe not THAT strict. but unfair? yes.
my parents just decided it would be really cool to block anything linked to the internet at 10:30pm now from me. thats really cool. oh and also they like to do the same thing to my cell phone, but they were generous and that shuts off at 11.... oh and get this. im 18 and my curfew is still 11, but on a good night its 11:30... i like that a lot too. and im never allowed to do something unless i explain carefully what im doing and who im doing it with and where im going and they need numbers of everyone i'll be with...like its ridiculous!... its just...everything i do..they have to come up with some type of rule to prevent me from doing something that i want. and lets be honest. what kid wouldnt rebel against something like that? i sincerely think that strict parents make for rebellious kids. not saying that im a rebel and do bad things.....i just could care less now about half of my parents rules. im gonna be on my own in less than a year, they shouldnt be tying me down constantly like they have been. im at the point where i have been raised like this  my whole life..let loose a little, trust me, i know what im doing, if i need your help i'll let you know....
i guess you can say that they are just protecting me...and i appreciate it all. like...its touching that they care so much for me. but honestly.....lay off a little.
im a good student..never gotten below a B, im a good kid and i stay out of trouble, im smart with decisions because i know what will be bad for me in the long run, and i would never do anything to jeopardize my safety. i mean, theyve raised me well for so long, the least i deserve is a little bit of trust.
sure...im not great with my money, sometimes im late for curfew..barely though, and i....yeah have a messy room. but thats about it...
i think i deserve a little more.....
i know teenagers complain about this all the time and say they want more trust, want more independence;; but at 18. i dont just want it, and i dont just need it, i think after so many years of having to deal with this...i think i deserve it,,ive earned it.
and now im in bed just sitting here, didnt say i love you to my parents before i climbed into bed....yep. rebel. and thats about as bad as it gets..ha. even if i get mad at my parents, i cant stay mad for a long time.....
so idk..we'll see how this all goes. all  know is that...thank god its the end of term this week....now im 3 terms closer to graduation. which also means.......
-leaving high school
-leaving home
-making new friends
-meeting new people
-figuring out what i wanna do
-starting life on my own
-no rules
-new responsibilities
-new experiences
-new life

and you can bet that im more than ready for that.
amen.

see, im already feeling bad about my earlier stuff i said.....but i still feel that way with all my heart....
i love my parents and all. but sometimes it sucks. and idk if being oldest has to do with it at all..? but i see my  little almost 13 year old sister getting away with crap i could never get away with.
ahhhhhhhh.....
this week is gonna suck
im taking the freaking ACT again on saturday..................................................kill.me.now.

IM STRESSING OUT. oh my fetchhh.

but.........its a good thing ive got a great special guy that is gonna drive down to visit me and help me out:) and its a great thing i have a fantastic sister who i can go to for anything and vent to about stuff. even if she is just 13. shes my best friend. and ive also got work:) i love work:) andd ive got a great best friend who is gonna help me with my AP calc this week for a test retake....oh and a great ACT studying website:) and theres always food:) and then working out and running:) cuz i can do more of that. and my journal:)
ive got tons of blessings....
i really do:)

just sometimes i need the independence i deserve.

good night.


oh but wait ps ps ps ps. COMPLETELY irrelevant. but guess what. its supposed to snow this week:)
which means..snowboarding:)
let it snow let it snow let it snow:)