dating food for thought

hello lovelies.
 so I've been inspired lately, and maybe it's because my recent tries and fails in the dating world have been hardcore, but I have some food for thought.
for any young ladies that may be reading, I feel like this is for you. because I've had countless up's and down's, and maybe it's because i'm finally fresh with the new dating scene. and honestly, it's kinda hard to do. it's hard to get back into the swing of things, but hopefully I can put some dating stresses to rest and leave you at peace, because let's be real, dating sometimes just sucks.
1. Hi, I'm Desiree Guerrero and I love myself so much.
cocky? conceded?
not even close. I've learned a few things about myself these past few months (of being single).
I like the mountains, and well, so does every other girl who posts a hiking pic on Instagram, but I love them so much that I enjoy going alone, by myself, no company or camera's around.

I know what I really like when it comes to clothes, or interior, how I decorate. it really should be a reflection of you.
I like to eat berries and cream at night while listening to country in my bed with dim lighting.
I enjoy movie nights alone, but I like to watch those "nobody" kind of movies that never make it to theaters.
i'm a fan of the library and reading, mostly books that make you think. but even if I don't pick up a book, I like to walk through the isles and read the backs of them.
I like doing things on my own, at first I was sorta uncomfortable going to places without a friend to tag along with, but I can comfortably get in my car and spend the day in SLC by myself visiting museums and such.
I like museums.
I adore playing with paint, and although I may not be Da Vinci and my dad says "what is that?" each time I show him a painting, I like to say i'm proud of my unique (yes that's the word) work.
I like being outside. really I've spent little time inside this summer. and although I don't go far and wide to places untouched, I feel like I've put in my fair share of adventures alone and with company.
I have more of a "my way or the highway" sort of attitude. i'm much more confident in myself and find myself and thoughts really intriguing and respectable so I've been sticking up for me and what I believe in whether it's against my parents (who probably are just as surprised with this new attitude) or my friends.
I literally know what I want to do with my life. and those plans don't include getting married or finding "the one". those plans include me, myself, and I, and being happy in the world and having a lot of opportunity at my fingertips.
yes, that may seem like nothing too big to you guys, but a lot of these things were absent in my life for a few years...so I feel like I have already grown so much and have figured out a lot about me in such a short time.
LOVE yourself and what you are doing in your life, strive for goals that are beyond what you can imagine because there is always a way of reaching them. don't let someone else change who you are, be sure of who you are and what you want to accomplish before you love someone else.
2. "well he's just busy..." "we're taking it slow..." "he's not a romantic..."
bull crap! bull crap on it all!
guys! ladies! whatever or whoever is reading this. guys, I sure hope you are taking notes.
girls...the guy you are with should kiss the ground you walk on. he should have the highest respect for you and should admire all that you are and do.
 so I saw this status on Facebook the other day that a friend posted and it said "don't be with someone because it's convenient..."
so yeah, maybe it is nice to have someone in your life that kinda likes you, maybe does, he's still deciding.
hell no.
don't accept convenience.
when you get up to get a glass of water, he should be looking your way and thinking "wow...i'm one lucky guy"
is that too much to expect?
no it really isn't.
and it's not like you are looking to marry each guy you are with, but listen honey, you are a woman with a beautiful body and mind that deserves respect and love from each guy that comes into your life, and nothing less.
so this "lets take things slow" and not define what you guys are business is not smiled upon.
actually if you are hanging out with this guy constantly for a few weeks straight, you better have a definition of what you are, and if he's still on the fence, don't you dare say no to the really nice guy that asks you out because you're still waiting for a definition from Mr. "I can't make up my mind".
be confident of what you deserve, in dating, it's not chill to just roll with what he throws at you. if you feel like it's not what you deserve, then it's definitely not. and move on in the dating world because he probably wont change but there will be someone else out there that doesn't need to change everything because he's just THAT great.
and ps, a guy will never be "too busy" for someone he really adores and is into. I promise. my dad makes time for my mom, and has been doing that ever since they started dating in high school.
my mom has always been treated as his number one.

3. you want flowers?
so movies dress up a relationship to look like something incredible. I mean, wouldn't we all want a guy to throw rocks at our window with a boombox blasting on the outside?
or we really would all love to be picked up and spun around in the air like on Dirty Dancing or in the hilarious Crazy Stupid Love where Ryan Gosling (yum) picks up Emma Stone.
or maybe a romantic kiss in the rain like in the Notebook?
or we simply would like flowers delivered to us, because what girl doesn't have a preference of flowers they would like brought to them, to put beside their bed.
I know i'm guilty of wanting that.
so okay, I've realized that I have expectations in a relationship. and of course duh, they won't always be met. I learned in my marriage class that you can't expect too much because you will only be disappointed.
so girls, I know you like this guy so much so you do something super cute for him like leave him a cute note or make him brownies.
don't always expect something back! you're going to be disappointed. guy's don't work like that. especially if it's just a friendship your working off of.

but the right guy will recognize what you do for him and express that to you in genuine words.
and he will appreciate you. but that doesn't mean he has to write you a cute note too, or take you out to dessert.
let him express how he cares for you in his own personal way. recognize what he does for you, realize if it's how you would like to be cared for.
communicate what you expect, and if he just can't deliver in the way you would like, then rethink things.
simple as that.
but remember when I said that the guy who really cares for you will go to any lengths?
I promise you he will.
I promise he'll call you when he's missing you
he'll take as many pictures as you want with you without complaining.
he'll visit you and sit beside you when you are sick, even if you are contagious.
he'll adventure with you when you want to, and will have movie nights with you also.
he's going to want you to reach your dreams and marvel at you when you talk about them (because YOU HAVE dreams that don't involve him).
he'll be 100% him and let you be 100% you
he'll also bring you flowers
realize what you want in a relationship and what you would like him to be for HIMSELF and for YOU.
my marriage teacher said a relationship is two people being individuals together.
meaning: they are growing as people, but in the best way possible, and that is by doing it together.
because even though you are loving yourself, you are most definitely wanting him to love everything about himself as well.
so make sure he's doing that when you begin your friendship.
and most importantly, make sure you can hold your own when you are alone and without him. because if you can't be happy when he's not around, then what's the point of a relationship?
you can't work on being happy with someone else if you can't even make yourself happy.

and always remember that a relationship is two people.
look at what he's doing for you and laugh at his jokes even when they aren't funny. be honest with him, and let him know you love him. hug him always, and kiss him a lot. recognize his achievements and be proud of him, support him in his hobbies, even if they aren't what you enjoy. Get SO excited for him when he's excited about something. Make him feel like he is taken care of and that your love and respect for him is genuine. have fun with your friendship and relationship, and never cease to amaze each other.
food for thought.

1 comment:

  1. WOW. i really needed to read this, you've actually answered one of my prayers... lately i've been so confused. and this, it helped me so much, and i finally got an answer. thank you so much, desi. i really look up to you and all that you do.