The word "love" is thrown around too often it seems like. Well, now at least....
In the moment, we may believe that it's the right thing to say, in the moment it may seem like there are no other words to take the place of that one, in the moment that one person is the only person.
But those are only moments.
I'm in love, I have been in love for the past year and a half. Never once, has this love fallen short, no matter how difficult and complicated my life was. Everyday, I see as another day to tell that one person, I love him more and more, I never wanted to miss the opportunity, even if I made it more than clear. To me, I could never say it enough, but that's just me.
What do you do when the heart you share begins to break? And suddenly it beats stronger inside of yourself than in the other, at least that's what it may seem.
Life is short, as vague as that statement may be, it has meaning behind it.
We wake up everyday with a motive in mind; to pay attention in class, to work hard at the gym, to accomplish something we are passionate about, or spend time around people we have known forever. But how many people wake up thinking, "I have a lot to do today, a lot of people to see, but the first thing I WANT to do is tell that person I love them." Because sometimes what you want, is the right thing to do despite everything else that may be escalating in your life.
Loving someone is a choice. It's something that you decide for yourself. Something you feel.
Loving someone too much is impossible, if you care for that person in the genuine way you claim to, telling them you love them could never be enough for you.
So does this form of love exist in the world we walk on today? Or are we too caught up with our lives, that we fail to appreciate the simplicity standing before us? The simplicity of the moment you made eye contact, when you felt comfort with each others company, the moment you held hands for the first time, or shared that horrifying yet breathtaking first kiss, when you listened to each others dreams, goals, troubles, and fears....the moment you looked into each others eyes and said "I love you", when they smile and their eyes tell you they care for you, the way you admire them when they don't even know your looking, when there's nothing to do so a movie is the result but you're still thrilled because you're with them, or when you woke up each day knowing that you have someone in the world that is thinking of you at that very moment... wishing they were beside you, or the moments you enjoyed the simplicity of every second you were together..worrying about nothing other than when you would see each other next.
Happiness does last forever. No matter what form it may take. But never believe that the happiness love holds, will disappear. Because that happiness can last for an eternity, all you need is the hope, desire, faith, and commitment to that love for happiness. And if you don't have any of that, then what are you doing?
A broken heart does not heal on its own. It needs time on its side in order to recover.
Time is what I will need. Because every moment I think about what's happening, I think back to a time when everything wonderful was taking place and suddenly, my heart is breaking just a little bit more, because I know that it's hopeless for me to even try to regain those moments back. I've been told it's pointless actually.
And no matter how hard I try to push those memories away, they resurface the moment I have time to think.
So now I ask myself, what did I do wrong?
No, it's not my fault. It's neither of ours.
But who can blame someone for pulling their heart away? The bitter ones, that's who.
"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time." - The Perks of Being a Wallflower
And yes, I am sad. Beyond what words can begin to explain. But that doesn't give me the right to be bitter about it, about him. Because yes, we may view things differently right now, but before, our viewpoints were spot on. And we loved each other..I still do. But now when one of us loves the other, enough to fight. The other one of us loves the other, but maybe for what we were, what we had, and the memory that will be.
I don't exactly know what's going on, I wake up each morning with a heavy heart holding back what I have left of tears, only because I don't wake up with the same simple feeling of wanting to tell someone I love them, because they don't seem to love me back the same way....
Now I can't be positive if the person I am thinking about at this very second, is thinking about me, wishing they were beside me. I just...don't know....
I was blind-sighted, left confused, with not much hope left inside of me...
And now i'm crushed, and have the same kind of faith that things will be okay, but with a love so broken that it seems beyond repair.
You can't blame someone for pulling their heart away, because moments..... don't last forever.
Moments only make up the time we have, and turn it into a life.
But every moment ends, while a new one begins. And while the new one begins, we have to learn to accept the ones leaving us behind. Because it was only a moment. All we can do is grow from it.
I'm thankful and blessed, for the moments we shared that became memories, but i'm scared of the moments to come, that will define what we've been through and either carry us on, or bring us to a stop.
I'm sad, but hopeful.