oh guys, God is there and loves you. He loves me, and i am absolutely sure of that! i am actually more than sure. He is there and listening to my prayers.
i had such an incredible experience with prayer this past week.


it was one of those days, one of those days where you feel one step behind everything. and you are trying so hard to catch up to everything in front of you. it's kind of been a bad day.
let me tell you, i had a long day of school, had to take a hard math test, went through a punishment practice, and still had so much to do even at 4pm.
i walked to my car and felt so weird like i wasnt completely where i wanted to be.

so when i got in my car i read a few scriptures, and that seemed to help. just a little bit.
but then i had this urge to pray.
so i bowed my head and said a prayer to God, asking if He would help me to feel the spirit throughout the rest of the day and help guide me on a path that would brighten my mood.

i was driving back to my best friends house, and i was on her street when i happened to pass some LDS missionaries on the side of the road. i drove pass them but had this insane urge to talk to them. so when i got home my friend Sydney was there and i told her i really wanted to talk to the missionaries. we could still see them walking so we jumped in my car and drove over to them, and when i stood in front of them, i just told them about my day and how i needed help because the road back to letting God into my life has been harder than i thought.

and i'm going to paraphrase what they said, i'm speaking from memory

"you do know who is preventing you from feeling the happiness of the spirit and from getting on this path back to God. It's Satan. He doesn't want you to feel the happiness of the gospel and he see's you making changes in your life and while it makes God happy, it upsets Satan. So he tempts you with the life you were comfortable with. Where you were still happy because you were comfortable.
but you need to hold tight to that feeling that you have when you are at institute and when you read your scriptures and when you pray. Remember how it feels when the spirit fills your body."
he said more i know it, but that's what really stuck out to me.
then one of the missionaries told me that before his mission he was completely inactive and he decided to go on a mission and had to change a lot about his life the year prior his mission.
he said it was the hardest experience of his life, because Satan didnt want him going on a mission, and he definitely did not want him building that relationship with God. but it was worth it, because he's genuinely happy with where HE is at in life, and he knows God is proud of him.

guys, God had answered my prayer minutes after i asked for His help. I know that this experience was not a coincidence. God sometimes takes forever to answer my prayers, sometimes it's hard for me to recognize his answers, sometimes i feel like i'm not getting any answers from Him.
But lately i have been repairing our relationship and welcoming Gods grace back into my life, and i know He was listening to me and felt that pain i was feeling, and He knew i needed help right then and there. so He sent me his servents, and i am so grateful for missionary work, because if it wasnt for those two, i would have been pretty upset the rest of the day. 

Everyone, this experience is hard. It will not get easier, but i'm not alone. even if i feel alone, i always have someone who i can talk to in my darkest and brightest moments. 
and even if you do not pray, i challenge you to kneel down and have a conversation with your Heavenly Father. tell Him about your day, the good and the bad because i PROMISE He wants to hear about it. 

this journey of mine reminded me of an experience with hiking Timp. 
we were walking on this cliff, and we were on solid ice and snow, and to the right of us we were able to hold on tight to the cliff, and if we let go then to the left of us was this drop that seemed to go on forever, seriously if you slid down that you were doomed.
we had to hold tight to our support and use our climbing tools so we wouldnt fall over to the left. and as long as we used our tools and were smart, we made it to something beautiful. 
sure we still had to climb and make it up some tough obstacles
 and we were almost comfortable at the saddle because it was so beautiful, if we stayed at the saddle of the mountain we didn't have to climb up further to the really tough stuff to get to the summit.
but we kept going, and it was well worth it.
it was harder the closer we got to the top, but we made it to the summit.

that's the gospel.
i have to hold tight and use the tools the Lord has given me to make my way back to a beautiful and breathtaking relationship with him

the snow cliff

the saddle

the climb to the top

the top

and i would like to say as a sidenote that yesterday i watched Meet the Mormons with my best friend. and it was so incredible.
"you're Mormon???" is a common question i get. Usually said in a, "wait, seriously?" kind of tone. 
so i extend an invitation to those who wonder, have questions, or may want to know more, or simply have a small curiosity. I invite you to go see the movie, i was hesitant to see it at first, because who wants to watch a movie about Mormons if you are struggling or aren't mormon?
but listen,  i dont regret it one bit. it isnt the type of movie you think it would be.
Go and meet six extraordinary people who are around the globe and all have one thing in common, they are sharing the same faith. 
i promise you will leave the theater with a full heart or a better understanding of what being Mormon, really is. 

heres a link to the trailer

oh i love you all, and thanks so much in supporting me in this journey. it isnt an easy one, but with the help from friends and my fellow blog readers, gosh, it makes it a lot easier. 

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